open & closed

They say,
that when one door closes
another opens.

They say,
that everything that happens,
happens for a reason.

They say,
that when you fall
you must always get back up.

They say so much.
So many optimistic words,
so many promises of healing,
…joy

What they don’t say,
is that it aches,
that it breaks you apart
from the inside out.

They tell you to close the door
and look ahead to what
lies before you.

But they don’t tell you,
that closing the door
takes something from you.

They don’t tell you,
that you leave a part of yourself
behind in the process.

I’ve learned to take everything
they say
and make
my own decision.

I closed the door
for myself this time.
Closed it to heal my own heart.
And the most amazing door
Opened.

Opened to a future
that made sense,
that held purpose,
held love,
…joy

They tell you, that good things
come to those who wait.
That patience is a virtue,
that everyone will one day
open the door to what they’ve
been waiting for.

It was for your heart, I waited.
And it was the door to you
that finally brought all the pieces
together.

They say,
that when one door closes,
another most certainly
opens.

memories & hope

For the woman who has cherished each one of us...

my beautiful Grandma.

It was somewhere in between
watching her soul go ahead,
and watching her body fight to stay,
that we felt hope…

Tears of sadness,
at the memories laid behind us.
Tears of joy,
at the hope that lay before us.

We were in between celebration
and mourning.
But we had hope.

In everything that came to pass,
from here on out,
we would carry the memory of
her life,
her love,
and her laughter.

And we would not only
find ways to honor her
memory,
but keep it alive with us.

This was her legacy…
A circle of the love,
that she had instilled in each of us.
A unit of the strength,
that came from the woman
she had always been.

It was in her memory,
we found the most hope.

To live with a purpose
she would be proud of,
a love that would challenge hers,
and a willingness to laugh
that would bring a smile
to the angel she now was.

We are her legacy,
finding our footing…
In between memories and hope

everything & nothing

An understatement,
a subtle line,
a simple word
And now,
I’ve found everything.

Holding on to
nothing,
waiting for a sign,
something.

Struck with the
notion
that it is all finally
at my fingertips.

It’s here,
all that I’ve sought,
that I’ve dreamt,
that I’ve hoped.

An understated dream,
a subtle vision,
an endless stream of words.
I’ve found everything.

husband & wife

For Jenny B. and JPeG on their Wedding Day, November 17, 2009

The steady rhythm,
a feeling of wholeness,
a completion…
written simply in the word
Wife.

A collection of voices,
a sea of faces,
and the simple word
Husband.

A unity
A bond
A future filled with
purpose and joy.

The steady rhythm.
a feeling of happiness,
a celebration…
defined simply by the word
Forever.

They were now,
Husband and Wife.

knowledge & wisdom

The place between
knowledge and wisdom...
A wanderer on a brick road,
a cloud enriched sky,
the mist before sunrise,
the feeling that you're on your way…

…that the journey has just begun.
And it’s one filled with promise,
and the hope of new life.

night & day

I lay awake
burning,
breathing,
aching.

Staring out an open window,
seeing nothing but
the portrait of a night sky.
An embrace of just who
I really am now.

Intriguing how I can be so [whole]
during the day
and feel so - empty -
at the end of it.

I’ve convinced myself
I’m okay.
Convinced myself
I can survive.

But it’s at night,
when the distractions fade,
that I realize how
much of me
was tied into you

How much of my heart
was kept alive by your love.
And how much of my soul
was defined by the role you
held in my life.

It’s now,
at night…
that I feel the loss
that I feel the betrayal.
And I pray for the day
that I can lie in bed
and feel [whole] again.

worthy & cheap

If ever I needed a
reminder of what feeling
worthless was like
All I needed was to meet you

If ever I wanted to know the feeling
of being cheapened
All I needed was to open my
heart
to you
and watch it
b r e a k
in front of me

My head whispers
“you are worthy”
and my heart screams
“you are nothing”

In between
cheap and worth
I fall to my knees

I am a fool
Who let my
heart
be entrusted to the one
who would
b r e a k
it before he even had a chance
to sees it light

In between
cheap and worth
I curse you,
for being able to hurt me
in such a way

If I ever wanted to remember
the feeling of being worthless,
all I needed was to open my heart
to you
and watch it
b r e a k
in front of me…